Step 11: When to Pull Out Your Sass

Hey guys! As many of you know (whether you know me in real life or just from these posts) you know I'm a sassy gal. Some would even go as far as to call me a Diva with an "attitude problem", but come on. A diva? No. There is a difference between being a diva and being sassy. 

Don't believe me? Here. I'll show you. Let's go through different reactions that a diva and a sassy person would have in the same situation. 

Dress rehearsal:

Speaker 1: "No, you have to do my hair now and at this time, and you have to be the only one doing it. And if anyone has an issue with it, then they can get over themselves." 

Speaker 2: "Stage makeup makes me look like an Oompa Loompa, and we're not doing Willy Wonka. Just saying." 

Alright. Name the diva! 

The obvious answer is number one, but I guess if that's not enough evidence for you, then I can pull out another common example. 

Waiting for Food at a Resturant:

Speaker 1: "They're going to put pizzas out on the buffet right? I pay forty bucks for this, I need pizza! And make sure I get some too, because last time the other customers ate all the pizza before I had time to get up there. God. It's been three minutes, where are the pizzas?" 

Speaker 2: "Jeez, you guys sure do charge an arm and a leg for this. How long till more pizza comes out? Oh? Fifteen minutes? That's fine." 

Whose the diva now? Ding ding! Yup, number one again. See, now that I have cleared that up, you can see that I am just sassy, not a diva. But, with being sassy comes the responsibility of using it at the correct time. 

Now, I understand that sometimes you cannot turn off the sass, but sometimes you need too. 

When Not to Sass: 

*When at an interview: oh no. You make sure you are a perfect angel at an interview. If you get the job, then they can wait to deal with your sass. 

*When dealing with parents: Unless you want to get slapped, sass is not good to use with parents. 

*When talking to mega pregnant and hormonal ladies: Trust me, that is a war you cannot win. 

When TO sass: 

*When someone is openly giving you crap about your favorite band/musical/person: Chances are they are just incredibly out of the loop and need some good classic sass to be brought back into the loop. 

*When you are being corrected during a mic-check by someone other than a cast member or your director: Chances are they don't know what they are talking about and are just being an egotistical jerk in a pink sweatshirt that should be slapped severely with a flaming spork. And. Nobody should correct an actor when they themselves are not in the play, are not the director and do not know the actor personally. So, Mr. Pink Sweatshirt, I have two words in my head specifically for you. Wanna take a gander on what they were? 

Alright, so give me some more specifics about when to sass and when to keep it hidden. Let's chit-chat! 

-MiMi out. 

Step 10: If You Can't Aim, Don't Play the Game

I think we need to have a party, one with cookies and confetti and purple peacocks! Why? Because this is a  happy funny post! And it's funny because it's about my own misfortune! That's the best kind of humor! 

So, first rehearsal since spring break ended and we all knew that it was going to suck major Umbridge. Cho, Luna and I all worked our butts off with our lines over a pizza and some shopping (no, in all honesty, we did practice) and we had prepared ourselves for a testy director. What we did not prepare ourselves for was Draco. 

Cue the dramatic music. 

Okay. We do the first production and it goes okay, for the most part. We still mess up and one part is still crappy, but Draco has managed to calm his balls so it's all good. And then we start the next production. 

Keep in mind that this is the play that Draco and I lip-lock. 

I guess that I should have noticed that this would happen eventually, because he has issues throwing/catching a football (I mean, so do I, but I have issues in general) but ANYWAY. The heated moment comes up and instead of kissing me on the lips, he kisses me on the nose. 

Not on the cheek, or the corner of my mouth, the mother trucking nose. 

My question is how do you miss that badly?! 

Fellas. If you can't aim, please please don't play the game. 

And maybe if this had been in a different situation and he actually meant to kiss me on the nose, I would have liked it? 

Wait. 

Nope. 

I still think nose kisses are weird. In my personal opinion, if you are close enough to kiss her nose, just go the extra mile and kiss her! Guaranteed she would like it better anyway! 

And then, get this, during notes he practically can't keep his hands off of me and then he jumps over to Cho and does the same thing! 

Men, dudes, if you're reading this please listen to me: do not under any circumstance, play with the feelings of two girls who have a strong back bone. 

You will get crushed. 

Draco you've met your match. 

-MiMi out. 

Step 9: Turning it Over to Him

Happy early Monday fellow bloggers! I'm sorry I've been so vacant this past week, I was putting my positive outlook to the test. Let me tell you, it was hard. It was so hard that I literally started several blog posts just to talk about it, but instead, im going to share this with you: 

I love God. I believe in God. And God loves me. 

Dealing with depression and anxiety can be tough, especially when you have a hard time managing it. Yesterday (Sunday) and Saturday were challenges because I felt extremely down on myself and alert about everything around me. It even got to the point on where I couldn't eat or sleep, but going to church made me realize one thing. 

I've been focusing on the wrong thing. This whole time I've been trying to figure this out my way, when I needed to call on Him. I figured this out several hours later while in the bathtub, trying to relax and calm down my anxiety. Wanna know what I did? 

I whispered every single thing that I hated about myself, so not only I could hear it but so could God. After I was done crying my eyes out, a sweet lyrics popped into my head: Holy, Holy, Hy is the Lord God almighty. Who was and is, and is to come. 

A wonderful thing about God is that he loves you no matter what. He can take every single thing that you hate about yourself and turn it into something he loves.  God is beautiful and loving, cast all your worries on him. 

This week I pray that you can fully surrender yourself to him, and trust him daily. I know for me it is a struggle to continuously let go, that's why I have to do it daily. He hears you, don't be afraid to speak out. 

-MiMi out. 

Step 8: Knowing When to Shut Your Mind Off

Warning: A serious post is below. Please continue reading only if you are in a serious mood because MiMi has had a very serious weekend. Which means no laughter. Ever. Okay, maybe like a few times, but mostly never. 

About 50% of the time, I am a happy person. Half of the time I'm laughing about something stupid and joking around with my castmates/coworkers/friends, but even then I suffer from the problem of not being able to shut my mind off. 

All through elementary school I was bullied for being shy, having a giant gap in my teeth, being overweight, or too smart. Not physically bullied, but verbally. It finally ended for a good two years during junior high, which was good because honestly, Junior High is where you really figure out who you are/want to be. I know for some people, those two years personally sucked and I although for me there were some ups and downs, I'm grateful for being able to have a good group of friends to be with during that time. 

But then ninth grade came around and I had to deal with something so painful (for an innocent fourteen year old) that I'm amazed I'm still here today. The first friend that I made when I moved here not only decided to betray me and accuse me of being several rude things, but cyber bully me. She wasn't alone either, oh no, she had her "best friend" that she tried to set me up with (who I actually had feelings for) join in on the fun. It was a knock down that would continue to hit me in the ribs for years. 

From freshman year on, I have dealt with serious depression and anxiety. To any of the readers out there suffering from the same thing, I feel for you. Unfortunately I can't give great advice on it either, because it's uniquely painful. 

Because while some people only deal with sad thoughts during the late hours of the night, we deal with them twenty four seven. It hurts even more when your parents decide to dog on you, or when you get a bad grade on a paper. It's tough walking past the kitchens knives when doing dishes because there's that dark voice in the back of your head tempting you. There's that constant reminder that your friends only tolerate you, and that they'll eventually betray you too. 

And you can't help but wonder why anyone bothers wasting their time on you. 

This is when I would instruct you to take the remote that controls your brain and to hit the mute button. It's tough, yes, but you have to somehow accomplish it. Why? Because if you don't then not only are you going to continue walking down this dark path by yourelf, but you're also going to continue blowing out any candle in sight. 

You've got to believe that your friends are there for a reason. If you don't trust in them, then how do you ever expect to lead n how to trust yourself? 

You've got to realize that criticism is just someone else's opinion, not an actual fact. Whatever someone says to you, just know that there are probably tens of people out there who think otherwise. You've got a big support system, so why let it be broken down by a single blow? 

But most importantly, you've got to keep the candle glowing. You're not expected to walk this road alone, so don't. Call a lifeline and don't be afraid to reach out to the light (this is the one time you'll probably hear me say that). 

Let's make a deal, this next week we focus on the positive outcomes of what our days bring. If you can try being completely positive for one week, then so can I. 

-MiMi out.  

Step 7: When to Properly Tongue Flap and Other Shenanigans

Lately there's been this famous action that people (mostly teenagers) will do as a greeting to other people (again, mostly teenagers). We call it: the tongue flap. Some people call it revolting, we call it madness. 

But all madness must be tamed (except for the Joker, you just go ahead and do your thing bro, because you're scary) and I've personally experienced when not to use the tongue flap. 

Tongue flapping semi-truck drivers is okay, but doing it to an elderly female truck driver is not. Doing so will only result in a sickening feeling in your stomach and an awkward chill running up your spine. Trust me, you don't want awkward chills and sickening feelings. 

Use the tongue flap wisely. 

Tongue flapping a person who is mentally friend-zoned is fine, but doing it to someone who you wish you could friendzone is not. This is only going to result of you feeling crummy about yourself afterward because for some reason, you rather enjoyed that awkward moment. 

Do not abuse the tongue flap. 

Tongue flapping is generally just not okay when you are in the presence of adults, such as your parents or mentors. I don't think I have to go into further explanation with this one, but if you absolutely feel the need to be weird and awkward, a simple "Meeeerp" works just as well as a tongue flap. 

There you go, I have saved you from horrendous embarrassment and bad memories. Don't say I never did you any good. Any awkward stories involving tongue flaps or other weird sounds? Shoot a comment and we'll chit chat. 

-MiMi out. 

Step 6: Levels of Attraction

Being a single person in a world of good looking guys can lead to two things. The first is deciding that the only way you're going to get with them is if you put yourself out there (sometimes people go too hard...) and the second is rating people on levels of attractiveness. 

We've already discussed the types of theatre hot shots, but me and my pal, Dumbledore have come up with two more levels of attractiveness: Sports, Smarts and Sexy,  and the James Bond Wannabe.  

"Sports, Smarts, and Sexy" 

-typically the one that everyone can swoon over as well as get help with ther homework. As bad as this sounds, guys like this are generally gifted with great backsides. Other characteristics include being able to tell really bad jokes, succeeding in kissing up to teachers and knowing how to rock a knit beanie. 

This group of men enjoy every possible sport available as well as math class and student body courses. 

"The James Bond Wannabe" 

-typically the guy who sits in the back of the class, usually wearing a pair of pajama pants and a sweatshirt. Doesn't care about they way he looks or whathis grade   is, just as long as he is awake. Other traits include a brilliant smirk, a wide vocabulary of curse words and a knowledge of useless facts. He feels the need to express the fact that he doesn't care about anything, but will gladly brag about his "abilities". 

This group of men will make you want to either punch yourself or him. 

So we've covered three different classifications, what are yours? Comment below and we can chit chat. 

-MiMi out. 

Step 5: Ignoring Fandom Moments

By now, I'm certain that you all have realized that this blog does not actually give great advice and is more of a slightly humorous/sad journal of my experiences in college. If you've gotten this far and are still interested in reading more, than holy freaking crap you should get a cookie. But if I gave you a cookie, then I would have to give myself a cookie because I think I deserve one after surviving college this far. 

The title of this blog may seem ridiculous and probably has nothing to do with your life, but I must start this post out with a question. What do you do when your professor looks like Severus Snape in his late thirties? 

Over the course of this semester, I have come up with four options to keep my focus on the class and not on the fact that he literally looks like the potion's professor at Hogwarts. 

Option One: Casually look around the class for anyone with a jagged lightning scar before the class starts. By doing this, you are making sure that the next hour and a half is in a positive environment and will not be focused on making a certain person's life hell. Also make sure that you yourself do not have a scar on your forehead because that could be the reason for the grades on your assignments. 

Option Two: Les Miserables It. Keep your focus on your book. In other words: Look down, Look down, Don't look him in the eye...

Option Three: Keep yourself informed on the current lesson, just to be safe. We all know that Snape excelled in shoving Ron and Harry's heads in their books and to be honest, that looked quite painful. Take that as a warning and jump at every opportunity to answer questions, and just pray that your answer is right. 

Option Four: Inform him of this piece of news. Odds are, he (or she...) doesn't realize just how much he looks like Snape. Plus, if he hears about this from you, then there is a chance he will be easy on the homework. Why? Well, he probably wants to make sure that there is a definite difference between him and Snape. 

There has to be more professors out there that have a scary resemblance to fictional characters. If you have a story, share it in the comments below.

-MiMi out.